Money

Times I Considered Faking My Death to Avoid My Student Loans

You might not find me. Photo by Tim Trad on Unsplash

When I first graduated and saw the balance.

When I participated in medical experiments to help pay my bills.

When I helped sell fake designer sunglasses and perfume bottles filled with water.

When I wasn’t getting along with certain family members anyway.

When I thought I could just live by the sea in Latin America for the rest of my days.

Yeah, like the Shawshank dude.

When I sold electronics, coins, and jewelry to pawn shops in Harlem (and random dudes on the Internet) so I could buy food.

When I would go to various supermarkets that had free samples and kept visiting the cheese and bread sections until I could make a sandwich.

When I signed up for workshops and events at tech offices to take advantage of the free lunch.

When I slept in my office and showered at the gym because I didn’t have an apartment.

When the loan company called me and threatened my future if I didn’t pay them and I laughed and hung up.

When the woman on the line said, “You need to pay $600 to be current” and I said “I don’t have that” and she said “I know.”

Every time I see a “millennials are killing X industry” garbage article.

Every time there’s a Purge movie and everyone murders everyone instead of erasing student debt.

Every time I tell a misinformed soul that they can’t declare bankruptcy to get rid of student loan debt and I see their terrified eyes scrolling through their phones to read the terms of their agreement for the first time.

When politicians make promises about student loans and I don’t want to go through the emotional roller coaster of getting my hopes up.

When I realize I can’t sign up for a delivery service app job because I’m afraid of driving and don’t have a car.

Because Homer Simpson did it once and made it look pretty easy.

(But I feel like technology is too good and I wouldn’t get away with it.)

But Peggy Hill did it once and things worked out for her in that episode, too.

And why would cartoons lie?

Every time someone tells me I must be “smart” because I went to NYU, and the only thing I can think to say is “not smart enough to get a full ride.”

Every time NYU emails me asking me for donations.

Actually, that also makes me snort through my nose.

Donating? What?


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