Let’s save the environment by not wasting paper.
I went to a local store to pick up a pack of gum before class because I was rushing out of the house and forgot to brush my teeth. The last thing I wanted anyone to smell while I was taking their vital signs was morning breath combined with last night’s sushi.
After placing the gum on the counter and lying to the cashier that I left my rewards card at home, even though I don’t actually have one, it was time for the most aggravating part of the process: waiting for the long receipt.
I have no rhyme or reason for taking receipts. When cashiers ask me if I want the receipt, it’s pretty much a 50/50 of whether I will say yes or no. I don’t actually save them for anything. They usually end up in the trash anyway. Also, some cashiers act really offended if you don’t take the receipt. When you say no they rip the receipt from the machine and crumple it up right in front of you as if you’ve just shamed their entire bloodline.
Anyway, a couple of minutes later after awkwardly tapping my toes and avoiding eye contact with the cashier, my receipt was finally printed out. The cashier asked if I wanted it, and they seemed like the type of person who would murder your entire family if you didn’t take it, so I said yes.
As I was walking out of the store with the receipt down by my side, dragging along the floor I realized something: there are so many practical uses for these long pieces of wasted paper!
Unfortunately, the generation before us who actually made scarves are either no longer with us or are unable to make scarves for us anymore. We used to take the scarves for granted when we received them for Christmas, but can you really imagine people nowadays actually sitting around knitting instead of playing Candy Crush or cycling through Instagram filters thinking different colors is really the problem with the photo? One of these receipts is the perfect length to keep you warm during the Winter.
A Wedding Veil
If you’ve always dreamed of walking down the aisle with a veil longer than the aisle itself then look no further than these super long receipts. Don’t spend money on a veil you’ll only use once (statement may not apply in the USA) and just strap a few of these long receipts to your head. Bonus points if you make the entire dress out of these receipts. You don’t even have to buy much either because one pack of gum can stretch the entire length of the wedding aisle.
Measuring Distances Between Planets
According to Reddit, the distance between the Earth and the Sun is only eight CVS receipts. This got me thinking of how these receipts can be used as a system of measurement. Why do we need to argue the metric system and which country is or isn’t using it? Let’s drop kilometers and miles and just measure everything by receipts. The future I want to live in is where I can be watching stars with my daughter in our backyard and she’ll ask, “Daddy, how far away is that star?” and I’d respond, “Only twelve CVS receipts.”
How about we try saving a few trees.