Dear Friend, I Will Not Bail You out This Time – Tesia Blake

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Tesia Blake
Dear Friend I Will Not Bail You out This Time


It’s time for you to face reality, as hard as that is.

Dear friend, I saw your emotional plea for help on the internet, but I want you to know I will not be donating anything to your fundraising campaign.

You need money to finish your last semester of college, and I’m terribly sorry to hear that you won’t graduate. I don’t blame you for not giving up, for throwing everything into what’s essentially a Hail Mary move and asking both friends and strangers online for money.

Here’s my problem with your request for funds: I know you’ve been living well beyond your means for years. You’ve been counting on your family to pay your tuition while you blow through everything you make at work and then some.

Honestly, the fact that your family has cut you off is a major red flag for me. My guess is that you’ve become too much of a financial strain on them, and they’ve finally had enough.

I’m sorry, but I can’t help you out this time, too. I know your spending habits way too well to feel comfortable with

I know you’re in a mess of your own making.

You pay an exorbitant amount in rent just so you can live by yourself in a nice neighborhood. You could find a cheaper place, but you don’t want to.

Your excuse to live alone is that your roommates have all been horrible, but even your own version of events reveals that you’re a difficult person to live with, to say the least. I’m your friend, but even I don’t think I would have made it as your roommate.

I know your closet is full to bursting, you buy new clothes every chance you get. A $200 dollar Forever 21 haul is nothing to you. What’s another $300 at Ikea, blown on stuff you absolutely don’t need?

Just because you happened to be driving by, and thought you could use a new rug, is no good reason to spend without thinking. Not when you’re going to charge those purchases to credit cards you haven’t the slightest ideia if you can pay back.

Savings is a word that simply doesn’t exist in your vocabulary. Forget having an emergency fund.

You create unnecessary financial strain on yourself by doing things such as:

Going for a weekend at Coachella, even tough all you do is complain of how much credit card debt you have and how broke you are — a situation I know for a fact you’re taking no significant steps to change.

Financing a car that’s well above your means. Immediately regretting it a month later, when you realize you can barely make the payments.

Totaling said car because you were eating while driving. By your own account, when you looked down to grab another bite of whatever it was, you accidentally rammed into the car in front of you.

And you didn’t have gap insurance, so now you owe half the cost of an overpriced car you don’t even drive anymore.

You needed another car, but instead of choosing the cheapest available option just to get around, you chose a model almost as expensive as the first one.

There were many times where I wanted to sit you down and have a difficult conversation about how you manage your finances. I didn’t do it because it occurred to me that I’m not your mother, and therefore I’m not responsible for educating you.

Besides, I heard that other friends tried to open your eyes to the truth. They are no longer your friends.

And you haven’t changed a bit.

Perhaps not trying to make you see reason makes me a bad friend, but it still doesn’t make me your mother, and that’s exactly why I won’t help you out this time.

Perhaps that’s the tough love you need right now.

I do feel like a bad friend for not helping you out, but I’d feel like a worst friend if I let you go on living as if there are no consequences to being irresponsible. As if you could just live however you wanted, have anything you wanted, counting on someone always being there to catch you if you fall.

That’s not how life works.

It sucks that you won’t graduate, but you can always go back to school once you get your shit together. Once you learn that nothing in life comes easy, that you should live within your means, and save some money for exactly this kind of situation.

You didn’t listening to the few people who tried to warn you something like this might happen, so perhaps you’ll listen to the hard lessons life is trying to teach you right now.

My hope for you is that you do.



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