‘Fumbling the bag’ which means to drop the ball when it comes to paid opportunities has been my phrase as of late. Instead of chasing my dreams/goals/cash I spent much of my precious time battling demons.
During my depressive state, I had countless opportunities handed to me. Enough for me to have a good career with stable income. And I fumbled every single one of them. One of the being chance to go abroad to live out my dreams. It wasn’t until I sought help and started to take accountability for myself that I saw a change.
In the months that followed, I was filled with anger and bitterness. In fact, it took a while for me to get to this point. Now I am starting from scratch, all over again. Writing this is a part of the healing process.
An accumulation of things contributed to my mental health deterioration. Childhood abuse being the main culprit. I was still able to make it through to the other side and do some amazing things for myself. It ends there. Years of neglecting my mental wellbeing and self-medicating to numb me from the pain inevitably caused me to have a breakdown.
“In forgiveness, we overcome. In overcoming, we learn. In learning, we begin the process to love ourselves.”
Regret and bitterness ominously hovers over me as I incessantly think of all the bags I fumbled. This way of thinking will always be detrimental to my ability to move on.
As one Quora member put it bluntly ‘there is no such thing as a lifetime Opportunity’. This world has an abundance of opportunities and what is yours will never miss you.
Below I wrote down a plan letting go the feeling of regret and bitterness.
When you are unforgiving of yourself, you become over consumed in the wrong thing that you can’t enjoy the present. Forgiving yourelf is when you decide to let go of all resentment and thoughts of self-destructive behaviour. In essence you will be free from all the hurt you been through and improve your health and peace of mind. In doing so, this opens you up to a host of positive feelings like understanding, compassion and appreciation making less room for anxiety and stress.
Acceptance means you’re no longer resisting the urge to keep it together. You are no longer denying your state of mind. When you accept the missed opportunities, you learn to understand yourself. By not allowing yourself to be victim of your reality.
The feeling of acceptance is so liberating. It is relieving to be free of social conditioning. Hopefully you begin to see yourself in a new way. Your strengths are not all of who you are, nor are your vulnerabilities. No opportunity/or lack thereof will ever define you.
Remember, we are never immune to mistakes. They are fundamental to life’s challenges. Good for you, if you try to learn not to make the same mistake twice. It is even better that you do not dwell on past mistakes and opportunities. Let it be and look towards your future for new opportunities.