Can We Please Think of the Billionaires? - Pickle Fork
Can We Please Think of the Billionaires Pickle Fork

I want you to look at the example above. According to one of the new calculators I found online, if you people get your way and this crazy wealth tax is imposed, I’ll have to pay $2.779 billion in taxes. That means I will only have $44,221,000,000 left! Can you believe that?!? How absurd is it that you people expect me to live on $44 billion!

Think of me, my future, and my children’s future, will you? And their children. And their children’s children. Please don’t make me have to cook my own meals, clean toilets or have to drive a Porsche. I might not be able to afford that private island I’ve had my eye on! It even comes with a helicopter!

And even though he’s just a mere trust fund multi-millionaire, Donny Deutsch had it right when he said we will end up like f*cking Denmark if everyone gets health insurance! Do we really want to be one of the happiest countries in the world like them? Do we want to just give people health insurance?

Why should everyone get to be healthy?

Helping out my fellow man, woman or child is not my problem! I have my own kids to think about and if you people tax me more and give common folk health insurance, I might have to see these people at a hospital or in my doctor’s office! Luckily, my kids go to private school so I don’t have to worry about them mixing with commoners at the public schools.

Look, I want to be fair. I will concede I probably don’t need that 15th bedroom. I don’t think I’ve even been in that wing of the house. And I will admit that the Rolls Royce I just bought was because the 10th bay in my garage was empty and it looked weird. Do you know how hard it is to look at 9 cars next to nothing? I know, it’s as scary as it sounds. But leaving me with only $44 billion and some change is not the answer.

The good news is I’ve figured out everything without having to tax anyone. We can get through these hard times together if you just listen to me. It’s really not that difficult either.

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