Lisa Tomey
High Cost of Living Lands Raleigh Woman in the Hospital


Satire

It’s just too much money to live in the big city

Photo by Bayu Syaits on Unsplash

Wilmington, NC — Wilmington, North Carolina resident, Candace Clearwater had to make some major decisions. She moved to Raleigh, North Carolina for a new job, but her Wilmington job salary of $100,000 would have to increase to about $116,000 to handle the cost-of-living increase. And her employer would not allow the increase in pay. This could cause Clearwater’s having to rent her beach house as an Airbnb. As much as Clearwater could have used the extra income, she didn’t really want to have the responsibilities such as the sometimes-massive cleanup after some unruly house guests might leave, as per such reports from her Nor’easter friend Susan Brearley.

Clearwater was looking at other options such as freelance writing in such publications that pay as she learned from her friend who is a regular writer for an online publication, amassing over $1,000 per month. She would just have to come up with a little more to meet her increase to the additional $16,000 she would need to live in the metropolis of Raleigh. This would only take about 20–30 hours a week, she estimated.

Desperate to save or make more money, Clearwater liquidated some of her most prized possessions. After holding each item close to her heart, to determine which no longer sparked joy, she sold her convertible, since she would no longer be taking coastal road trips, and she invested in a simple SUV. Not realizing that this would be more expensive, Clearwater found she would have to test another option. After discovering she could make extra money by offering ride services to others, she started working as a driver for the popular service, this wouldn’t take more than maybe 20 more hours out of her week. On top of this, as a bonus, she also started dashing food to folks between her driving runs. “It’s a real Win:Win,” Clearwater stated to her friend and confidant who is sharing her story.

As she was buying a home in Raleigh at the cost of $300,000 the extra jobs took away from her time to maintain her house. Jumping quickly to save the day, Clearwater started offering house cleaning services to pay for maintenance costs of her home. “Whew!” she exclaimed, “that was a close call to pay for services. I think I have it all figured out, now.”

Clearwater is not available for comment as they admitted her to the hospital for exhaustion. She was last seen throwing a bag of food at a customer of her food dash and ranting on about how she “just can’t afford to live in this city anymore.” Her best friend, Silvia Slipper, is happy to offer any other information needed, for a small fee.



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