Hazlit
Sex Money Masculinity Hazlit


Photo by Jonathan Francisca on Unsplash

Perhaps it’s just because it’s 2020 and I’m having good luck or something, but these days I seem to be getting a lot more female attention. Before I go further, let me say that I’m a bisexual married man in his 50s with two young children. My wife and I have an open marriage where she gets to see other people and I do as well.

Perhaps the attention is merely because I have become more myself. While I still get butterflies at the prospect of a new partner, age and experience have taught me a lot about slowing down, taking my time, and not obsessing so much over one person. My marriage helps. While our marriage is far from perfect, I have the satisfaction of knowing that I am loved and cared for despite my imperfections. This affirmation makes it far easier for me to be authentic.

I remain struck, however, by how recent this surge in female attention has been, and my mind being what it is, I seek to understand what has happened recently that has prompted this change in how others see me. Another factor may be that my children are a little older and my wife and I are planning no more. The continuous sleepless nights have morphed into one or two only from time to time and I have more mental space to put myself out there.

While my situation at home helps, and even helps a lot, my feeling is that it is more my professional public life that has helped bring this new attention. Within the last few years, partly as result of long and patient application and partly just dumb luck, I’ve experienced a series of promotions at work. I’ve become a boss of sorts, which really surprises me, because I always thought of myself as the one taking the orders instead of giving them. Along with these promotions my salary has increased considerably so that now I can confidently say that I am fairly well paid. Where before my financial circumstances were precarious, in only a few years I have moved from precarious to comfortable. I am lucky and I know it.

The result of these changed circumstances is a change in attitude: I see myself as having value, being worth something. I know that I am needed and at least to some people, that I am important. Of course, I could be replaced, but at the same time, no one is quite like me. It would be incorrect to say I am merely my circumstances. I spent seven years in weekly therapy before my circumstances changed. I went into therapy because I didn’t feel important or valuable and I wanted to change that. It took seven years and getting lucky, but I did get what I wanted. Nonetheless, my circumstances mattered. I had the money for therapy and the support from my family to change.

This new attitude has resulted in several women showing a fair bit of interest in me. I surprised myself recently by refusing an opportunity to be with a woman who offered to sleep with me. While I liked her, I simply wasn’t interested enough to jump into bed with her. In my younger years, women had little or no interest, and I’m sure back then I would have eagerly begged her to give me a pity fuck.

I’m writing about all these things from my own life because when it comes to sexual interest from women I believe in a sense I am getting more than I deserve. I am not a bad fellow, but there are many men out there who need sex more than I do (I know, because I was once of them). My argument is simple — while it may be that my authenticity and self confidence are the key factors in this increased attention, I also believe that the money and power that have accrued to me make a difference. Despite all our talk about equality, my current money and power, that I have more than others, also really matter.



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